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Bees are trying to carry off my radio station…

Today at Brookhaven Broadcasting, we noticed an entire colony of dangerous-looking, flying insects have built their summer home inside one of the brick columns at our office. We weren’t quite sure about the disposition of these insects, but we all learned as children things that swarm are usually bad. We considered our options.

These could be wasps, in which cases we’re going to blast their asses with high-pressure chemicals and celebrate their deaths as they fall to the concrete below.

Or, maybe, they are yellow jackets, in which case we’re going to blast their asses with high-pressure chemicals and celebrate their deaths as they fall to the concrete below.

Or they might be honey bees. We don’t want to kill honey bees, and the world doesn’t want us to, either.

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Throat: dry… Knuckles: white… Sphincter: clinched tight.

Turns out, these are honey bees, doing the Lord’s work: building a protected nest to generate the Earth’s finest bathtub gin, honey, which they (had plans to) store up for winter. I’m not one to stand in the way of the plans of the Almighty, but I can’t have a thousand bees right out the back door of my office, either.

We called Wes Fitzpatrick III, a beekeeper from Crystal Springs. Wes runs a produce farm, specializing in blueberries, and he uses honey bees to pollinate his fields. If you call Wes and report you’ve got a swarm of honey bees you don’t really need, he will come to your home or business, set up a trap system and remove the bees without killing them. I don’t much care for carbon credits, hybrids or tree-hugging, but that’s conservation, holmes.

Wes plugs one of the holes the bees are using, forcing them all to a single point of entry. Then he will build a screen trap that lets the bees out, but prevents them from going back in. After a couple of days of not being able to get back in the next, the bees’ instinct takes over and they realize: “hey, we’re running out of summer… time to give up on this nest and build a new one.” Conveniently, Wes will have a wooden box perfect for a new nest set up right there beside the condemned nest, and the bees move right in. They’ll be fully moved after a few weeks, and then Wes will grab the box, along with all the bees, and whisk them off the Crystal Springs. Problem solved.

If anyone notices any bees around this month or next, call Wes at 601-835-7305 and he will fix you up. But don’t wait too late: by the time July gets here, the bees will not have enough time left in the year to generate enough honey to survive the winter, and moving the nest will kill all the bees. That’s bad.

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The door is closed, bee(tches)!!!

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